Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Pushing your Chuck.

It's time for Daily Intel's Gossip Girl Recap! The Highlights:

Realer Than an “Elbow Incident” in the First Official Hookup Between Two Nerds: (I don't really even know what to say about this situation)

• We just had to get this out of the way: The slutty singleton from Lily’s building is a voodoo priestess from an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent! This must mean something. No points, but we assume this means that she'll put a love spell on Rufus in an upcoming episode, and that Lily will have to knock him out of it by splashing a glass of Chardonnay in his face. (I KNEW there was something fishy about this lady--once again, I.do.not.like.her)

• Nate: “But Bart told you your mother died in childbirth!”Chuck: “He also told me kids wear suits to kindergarten and blue-chip stocks are great for birthday gifts.” Plus 2. (TYPical)

“Careful S, you may think you know what’s best, but this time, you might just be pushing your Chuck.” Oh! Gossip Girl! Have you been there the whole time? No points — just, we forgot. (Almost as good as the time that Chuck whispered, "Looks like you've just hooked yourself a Bass.")

Faker Than a College Freshman Having an Uncovered Bowl of Freshly Whipped Cream in His Refrigerator That He Claims He Just Found Out About (SERIOUSLY. WHO happents to have 3 separate bowls of whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate in a refrigerator that they claim to not know existed?!)

• No, seriously, why does everyone on this show constantly eat waffles!? Minus 1. God, to be young again. All we are allowed to eat in the morning now is disgusting cardboard-tasting Kashi cereals that help us not get more fat while still somehow helping maintain the regularity of our poops. Sigh. (I only like this because I was eating my Kashi cereal as I read this. And it does indeed taste like cardboard)

• Are we to believe that Nate and Serena had sex in the kitchen? Why are their clothes still on? And why is Nate’s hair tousled exactly the way it was tousled before? And why, even though Serena is wearing boy shorts, does she wrap herself in a blanket to talk to Blair? And yet leave four of her top buttons unbuttoned? We at least hope they threw out the pair of Nate’s socks they used to clean up with. Minus 6. (No comment)

• Let’s go through what’s fake about this freshman dorm party: (AMEN to each and every one of the following statements. Last time I checked, that was NOT what parties looked like in college)

1. It’s well-lit.

2. There are decorations, and lots of them. The only people who bother to put up elaborate decorations for theme parties like that are student organizations and the school itself, i.e., not the kind of parties where they serve 19-year-olds liquor.

3. People can hear one another.

4. There are no fatties. (Still, Gossip Girl, you owe us more shirtless hotties. It’s been so, so long since we’ve seen firm, peach-fuzzed college-age torsos. That aren’t Eastern European and on the Internet.)

5. Dan is wearing a shirt. Nobody as fit as him would wear a shirt to that party, especially someone who spent all summer after season one working out to look good for a bad thriller remake freshman year.

6. There is someone mixing drinks in a little mixer and pouring them into precious little plastic colored martini glasses, as opposed to people serving themselves from a keg, or some gross punch bowl filled with grain alcohol and Crystal Lite. There are even mojitos being made, with muddled mint leaves. AND STRAWS.

7. It is barely full of people. A semi-nude costume party with free booze freshman year in a huge, decorated room? It would be crowded like the 6 train at rush hour, and just as hot. But in a good way. Minus 50.

• Serena: “Our drinks would be nice, maybe some bread for the table.” Blair: “You haven’t eaten bread since middle school.” Actually, we saw her eat bread last episode. But since it’s a good line, we’ll let it slide. (HA. Was thinking the exact same thing!)

• Why is there all this fuss about Jenny and nobody’s talking about how Serena just up and left and is living at Eleanor’s? Minus only one (Umm yes and why is Serena allowed to jump Nate on Eleanor's living room couch?!)

• Ew, Serena and Nate broke a dresser? That’s impressive — hotel furniture is sturdy for exactly that reason. Minus 4. (Not only is this absurd, but this information was presented to us by Nate as he was consoling Serena about her long lost father. There was just something so wrong about the way Nate went from "I'm so sorry" to "we've been having so much fun that we broke my dresser.")

SO much going on in this episode. Can't wait til next week!



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