Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Easy J.

Alright, now that I'm back in the swing of reality (and by that i mean not consuming my life with ordering things online from Bed Bath and Beyond and Home Depot), I can devote my attention to what really matters: Gossip Girl. And equally as important, the Daily Intel Reality Index.

Realer Than a Teenage Boy Gratuitously Using the Word "Shuttlecock"

• Blair: "What have we here? Bed unslept in. Hair in missionary disarray. Yesterday's dress with today's shame all over it." Plus 4 for a morning-after description so vivid we felt greasy looking at Serena for the whole first half of the episode. -----AAAAAAAGREED. I primarily laughed here because it was so realistic that Serena was still in her room and her bed was made. Of COURSE Serena wouldn't wake up and make her own bed. As for Serena's greasiness/sluttiness, I feel like that's expected.

• The scary music leading up to the first shot of Jenny Humphrey seemed over the top until her goth child prostitute drag queen image appeared in the frame, and we literally gasped. She looks like the little girl from The Ring! The only thing more frightening would have been if she'd flashed her underage boobs again. Plus 2 -----Ok. She did look like the member of a cast from a horror film, but not just for her gothic attire and standard black eye makeup. It appears that they do not have a barber OR hairbrushes in Hudson. Either that or Little J has developed a severe case of arthritis since she was banned from the big apple, and can no longer create a full braid. Either way, it was scary.

• After listening to all of the truly sensible, inarguable reasons Serena should not get involved with the known womanizer who lives in her building and also happens to be her teacher, Serena pouts adorably: "I really like him, though!" Plus 5, because love conquers all, especially the stupid. -----I don't think I need to argue why I thought this was hilarious. Serena did that all on her own.

• Serena, who just last week was given a stern talking-to by the college dean after a professor at the school received a sexy message sent from her cell phone, agrees to accompanyanother professor to a public event at which he is to receive an award for being an eligible bachelor. Plus 6 for the aforementioned reasons. At least she knew to wear a demure pantsuit! -----SEEEEERIOUSLY. Although let's be honest. Serena doesn't really give two shits about school and loves her some 6 figure man. I would expect nothing less from her. Not to mention, Colin is sexy and if he was my teacher, and I looked like Serena, and had already had pillow talk with him, I'd drop the class too.

• The only books visible in Colin's office are copies of his own. Plus 3 -----Duh, he probably has 15 co-eds coming to his office daily pretending to have lost the book. Any excuse to spend one-on-one time with the elligible bachelor, right?

• Blair to Chuck: "If you’re here to deliver more humiliation, Dorota can sign for it." Plus 3 for long-suffering Dorota, put-upon even when she's not in an episode. -----Another great one-liner by Blair. If only I could put sentences together the way she does.

Faker Than a Member of the Fortune 500 Showing Up to Receive an "Eligible Bachelor" Award From an Alt-Weekly

• Wait, creepy prison guy is Juliet's brother? Weren't they just telling each other how cute they were a few episodes ago? Minus only 1, because this show does love incest best. -----
Enough Said.

• Tim Gunn's reaction when Jenny's models appear is totally absurd, and not just because of his acting. A prospective student sending out a line of models wearing dresses that spell out the word WHORE probably wouldn't even be that unusual at Parsons, never mind offensive.Minus 5 -----This was like a bad episode of
Project Runway. Or a good one, depending upon how you look at it...

• A lot of Serena slut-shaming goes on in this episode, and yet no one at any time looks at her chest in the outfit she wears to the Observer party and says, "I didn't realize this was the Golden Globe awards." Or, "I'm sorry, what did you say your name was? Serena van der Boobsen?" Or even "Holy hell, look at those bazongas!"Minus 10. This is a show where even the sight of a badminton racket is cause for entendre, and yet when the main character shows up with giant inflatable balloons strapped to her chest no one blinks an eye?
-----BAHHHH LITERALLY died when she got out of the cab. I mean honestly. And they didn't even move. How does one do that?

• We can see Serena believing in Colin's sincerity after the Let's Talk All Night About Art gambit. We can even understand how her ego might have allowed her to swallow it when he said, "Tell your mother I'm crazy about you! I could be your future!" after knowing her for, like, a day. But when he said that she'd inspired him to reshape his life so that it included "Fewer models and martinis, more flow charts and footnotes"? Come on. Minus 5 -----It's Serena! Would you really expect her not to believe him?! What I find more unblievable is that she ACTUALLY dropped the class and thinks she successfully last 7 weeks of sexual frustration in a class where she undoubtedly won't understand 90% of what is going on. But then again, anything to prove her mother wrong.

I give Serena props for trying to fool herself into thinking that she can survive this course. I also give her one epsiode before she caves. Colin is dreamy.



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